Well

I'm not. Well, that is. Which I suppose, when it comes to random words, gives me more to work with than if I was feeling dandy, tip-top, swell, on top of the world and peachy-keen, though if I was thinking all those phrases it would probably mean that I wasn't very well.

Despite having a major orange juice fetish (I lied in my last blog, I like orange coloured drinks that taste of orange as well as those that don't) I must be lacking in Vit C or something, because my body appears to be utterly incapable of fighting off colds. If the end of human evolution means that we will eventually all succumb to some sort of mutant virus, I might be the only survivor - a mutant virus would pass so quickly through my immune system it wouldn't have time to kill me.

On the plus side, having a cold gives me a chance to really stretch out when it comes to luminous drinks. Now, next to my trusty bottle of Irn Bru, I've got some water in a green plastic bottle, and (drumroll) a nuclear waste-shaded simmering pot of LemSip, its lurid yellowness hinting heavily to my brain that I SHOULD NOT DRINK IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. It reminds me of the colour my wee turned when I used to take Quest Super Once-a-Day time released multi-vitamins and minerals (I was only 18, and for a short time thought aliens had been experimenting on me before I remembered the suspicious , baguette-sized pills I'd just started popping).

The LemSip has now melted the spoon with which I stirred it. I accept that it might have been the heat, but this is a teaspoon - made, I would guess, for boiling water. Look at it! How can this be good for me?

Then I remember - it isn't supposed to make me better, it's supposed to make me feel better, like other health foods, such as Heroin. Oh well.