Menu

Ah, falling further behind....

A menu for a vegetarian is an odd beast. It is not (generally) an array of options, but rather a puzzle, a bit of mental stimulation that lies between you and digestive happiness. The Find the Vegetarian Meal replaces the no doubt far more tricky but enjoyable "what do I feel like eating" experience that most diners get.

There's almost certain to be a starter with Goat's Cheese in it. However, this may not actually be marked with a "V", leaving you in a state of uncertainty as to exactly how the Goat's Cheese was made. So you may just have to have some sort of spinach and pastry composition on the basis that if either of those things have dead animal you've probably accidentally wandered into Sweeney Todd's Delicatessen.

For the mains I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you will probably be offered Risotto. In all likelihood mushroom, though in these enlightened times you might be offered Butternut Squash. Things have come a long way since you were given mushrooms with melted cheese on them, and lightly flayed by the Chef and your skin served to the Duke of Cambridge as a dessert if you complained.

All of which makes vegetarian restaurants a complete nightmare. I have lost (or never developed) all the necessary skills of actually making a proper choice from a menu. It's horrible, and makes me want to hide in a corner with a pillow over my head gently murmuring a nursery rhyme about cats. Too much choice! Bring me a salad. And maybe a pastry with spinach. It's fine, really. Now go away.