Rescue

My girlfriend had a strange dream last night.

That is not, in itself, newsworthy. My girlfriend has some of the strangest dreams I've ever heard, which she can recall with alarming clarity. This particularly one involved a cat getting stuck in some quicksand. Apparently, after some distress and trying to rescue it, the cat sank completely, only to appear a few minutes later in another location completely unharmed.

I think this dream has meaning. Well, I don't really, but I mean I can pretend that it does and twist it to make a point, like all dream 'experts'. And it's this. Animals can look after themselves. If I hear of another drowned human who jumped into a freezing lake to save a dog which subsequently got out, I'll scream. The dog is laughing at you. It's dog murder. They discuss it in advance, and afterwards they go and howl about it down the dog pub. A dog who tricks his owner into dying a cold and watery death gets a lot of kudos and even more bitches. Don't fall for their big eyed adoration look, it's all a sham. They'll have you in the deep freeze before you can throw a stick.

I'm not saying cats have got it in for you in the same way, it's just they'd eat your face if they could get away with it. Just sayin'.