Annunciation

The Arch-Angel Gabriel is not on hand to help me with this, but I'm going to try predicting the future.

• The new "There's Nothing Like Australia" adverts will result in a fall in the number of tourists, as potential travellers decide that Butlin's looks more appetising.
  
• England will put in some great performances in Cricket World Cup, but will lose in the semi-finals after Captain Andrew Strauss loses his belly button in a freak fielding accident
• David Cameron will be privatised to help pay down the national debt. He will be sold at below market rate, and some of his suits will be immediately sold off to boost his share price.
  
• I will drink one bottle of Irn Bru too many and turn orange at a comically inconvenient moment
• George Osborne will have all his policies reversed by the competition commission, since "being a rapacious cunt" puts him in direct competition with 87% of the private sector.
• Lady GaGa will attend the VMAs in a dress made of frog spawn
• The British Summer will be the oddest since records began. The previous oddest was 1986 when Michael Parkinson kept pulling an enigmatic expression every time the sun came out.
• Currant Buns will, due to a slightly misreading, be re-designated as Retro Buns
• The Daily Mail will announce that tables give you cancer.
  
• Tottenham Hotspur will demolish the Houses of Parliament to build a new stadium, but will offer to build a small parliament in Crystal Palace to preserve the required democratic legacy.
• Mexico will declare war on Richard Hammond, unless he agrees to eat his own hair wrapped in a burrito.
  
• A record 3% of the British people will notice that Rhodri Morgan is no longer First Minister of Wales
• In a shock result, 13% of votes in the local Government elections will go to cheese sandwiches, giving cheddar lunches the balance of power in a number of key local authorities
• Speedy will stop typing this list in about 4 seco