Distaff

6 Mar 2010

Sometimes this random word thing can lead you close to hot water. As does this one.

Women. Women women women. Womeny women. Hmmm.

Here are some things to get me into trouble, or avoid it, depending on how you read it.

• ·    Some of my best friends are women.
• ·    That’s what you’re supposed to say when you’re embarrassed and floundering, isn’t it?
• ·    So are some of my worst enemies, but we won’t get into that.
• ·    I am extremely comfortable with allowing women to read “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”
• ·    They shouldn’t read anything by Jeffrey Archer, but then neither should men.
• ·    I always got my girlfriend to do all the map reading and navigating when I drove and she was much better at it than I was.
• ·    I can only imagine women get easier to interact with as you get older. If you are a 21 year old man and your main experience of girls is seeing them grouped together in close-knit shrieking masses on a Friday night, I think you’re probably well within your rights to be intimidated.
• ·    I have a senior colleague renowned for not being able to deal with women crying in his office. He should probably get over this, since my ‘intel’ tells me they’ve sussed this and are therefore more likely to do it. Men often say that “crying is cheating”, but that’s because they’re too lazy to read the rules properly.
• ·    One third of women in London think that another woman ‘dresses provocatively’ they should share the blame of being raped.
• ·    In a similar poll they agreed that Belgium was “asking for it” in 1940.
• ·    As this shows, women are just as likely to be dangerously insane or stupid as a man, but seem to be better at hiding it.
• ·    More women like “The Lord of the Rings” than you could possibly imagine.
• ·    If I had been a girl, I would have been called “Helen”. Until I changed my name to “Speedette”, anyway, like some sort of Smurf.
• ·    The full-time gender pay-gap is still over 12%. David Cameron might want to stop dicking about with tax-breaks for married couples and do something about this.

Right. I'm off to hide.