Preciosity

9 Mar 2010

People change. Everyone knows that. And if they don't, then they'll probably change and grasp it eventually. Because people change.

Everyone knows that.

People have a bad habit of changing when you least expect it, but most of the time that's your fault. All the signs are there. Your boyfriend suddenly becomes a selfish wanker only interested in drinking with his mates and flirting with your friends? Are you sure this an overnight change, or have you only just taken off the metaphorical airline issue eye mask and started to catch up with the horror movie you've been sleeping through? You marry a girl and she turns into a psycho-bitch from Hades? The signs were there, buster, especially when she tortured your Guinea pig to death with a trowel.

But sometimes they really are overnight. When I left university I moved in with a friend I'd met there. For two years everything was just fine – mostly because we were both chaotic slobs and it didn't matter that the flat resembled an apocalyptic landscape where the only species that survived was wasps. Then - literally one day -, for reasons that still escape me, he had a major personality change and suddenly become the most fastidious, tidy minded human being on the planet. Even now his delightful flat consists entirely of cupboards where he can hide any loose items that might otherwise distract from the clean lines of his abode.

Back at flatshare central, this immediately became a source of tension, since I was – and basically still am, constantly the epicentre of an earthquake of dishevelment. It was never going to work out. When a man is tired of Weetabix crumbs entirely covering the kitchen floor, he is tired of Speedy.

I'm sure I will change overnight one day. Please. Please. I can't stand me any longer!